So there's this thing about me. I have a hard time making decisions. For example, it took me almost exactly 1 year of my life to decide to go ahead and date Jon. Then it took another full year and a half to decide it was okay to marry him. He called me out!
He delicately pointed out to me that I am a fence walker. I love standing on top of the fence because I can see both sides. When I'm on a fence I can enjoy both sides of the situation, see them from above and manage them both. But when I am forced to jump off the fence and into one yard or the other...that's where my problem begins. Did you know that if you jump off the fence and into the one yard...you can't see the other side anymore? But what if the flowers are blooming over there and they aren't in the yard I picked? What if the grass is greener? What if the house is bigger? What if...what if...what if?
I do great once I decide to make a decision. I have very little trouble following through, but deciding to decide is a big problem! And believe me, I can find just about any excuse in the book as to why I can't make a decision. This problem carries over into much of my life. Some days are better than others...deciding what to wear...deciding what to make for dinner...deciding which chore to do when I only have 15 minutes...what TV show to watch when I am home by myself...
This is why, as many of my friends already know about me, I like routine. In routine, I've obviously already made the decision sometime earlier and I can just follow through with the decision that has been made.
I lay in bed almost every morning at 6:15 asking myself, should I get up know and take a walk around the neighborhood...or should I go do a little bit of yoga...or should I get up and read my Bible...or should I...or should I just hit the stupid alarm and get my feet on the floor? Instead I lay there for at least another 30 minutes until I absolutely have to get up to get to work on time...I just need to make the decision to get up at 6:15, and once that decision is made, then I can move on and decide what I need to do once I'm up...
Current things I want to make decisions on in my life:
What color to paint our bedroom? Or do I paint out bedroom?
How, where & when to dig a french drain in our yard...so that water doesn't sit on my foundation?
Should I build a pergola in the back yard, or just a lattice wall?
Should I start walking in the morning at 6:15 or wait until after work when Jon can walk with me?
When do we purchase a new car? Or do we just let one of our cars die before we think about it?
Where an when to do we take a vacation this year?
Do we have children or not? ( I know. This is pretty huge decision compared to the others)
It's not that I have to know the answer to all of these questions tomorrow. It's more the fact that I need to decide that I'm actually going to make a decision on them...or none of them will ever get dealt with...
To some of you reading this, this seems completely ridiculous that I can't just make a dumb decision! But to others of you, I know you have this problem too!
To give myself a little credit, I did make the decision to read through the Bible this year with the help of my Through the Bible in a Year. So far I am caught up to date. Almost 1/4 of the way through the year. One decision down...lots more to go!
